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I undergo been an RN 12 + yrs (OB fro 10). I experienced a fetal transfer at 16 weeks and and I can't believe what a new perspective I have. I cannot change surface mouth to remember all of the pts I have cared for over the years who have experienced loss but I hope that I did the best I could for them. None of us are ameliorate and I think we could all learn something from a patients perspective. Things not to say to pt: 1.)At least it wasn't your first. ( this wisdom was bestowed upon me by a stupid/young resident). I quickly told him that I had lost my "first" to an early m/c. And just because it was my 4th child DOES NOT alter it easier.2.) "At least it happened now" (as opposed to later or having a egest do by). I totally get that but it does not be to be said. The pt/SO experience this on some level. This does not go anyones hurt.3.) "At least you undergo kids at home" Once again. I get that. Yes. I am very lucky/blessed but this also was my child. Until you experience this it is hard to see "it" as someones baby. But the parents very often believe this as a very real part of the family already and it is a loss of that dream. 4.) "God has a cerebrate" I guess you undergo to know the pt pretty well before this is a safe thing to say but believe me I am religious and I HATED hearing this. After you lose the baby you hear EVERY SINGLE STORY on the news about every abuse in the world and it makes you evaluate. these populate get to have healthy babies? Where is God in all of that? The words that meant the most to me were "I am so sorry for your loss". Other things that helped were "I can't imagine what you are going through but I am thinking of you". "I ordain keep you in my prayers" Someone change surface asked if it was OK to pray for me which actually was nice because you never experience how a patient feels about populate praying for them. I could go on and on. Also it is OK to assess the pt as you normally would. My PP nurses avoided me desire the plague and DID NOT EVER assess me and checked my VS 18 HOURS after my recovery (at the measure of accomplish). WHAT!!??!! I had to be b/c of a discharge and meds I received which required lab work q 6 h. The lab actually was closer to me than ANY one of my nurses. I did not deliver where I bring home the bacon because if insurance. Also the parents should have a say in disposition change surface under 20 weeks it is not a specimen to them!
jrring i am so sorry for your loss and i ordain keep you and your family in my thoughts i too lost a baby at 16 weeks and had to mouth never in my wildest dreams would i have imagined the amount of attachment i had for my baby and the be of grieving i would have to do it truly is something you cant understand unless you have experienced it act care of yourself. and thank you so much for posting this. ((((((((((())))))))))
After you suffer the baby you hear EVERY SINGLE STORY on the news about every abuse in the world and it makes you think. these populate get to have healthy babies? Where is God in all of that?
I'm hurt cause to be perceived and humiliated beyond endurance seeing the wheat ripening the fountains never ceasing to give wet,the sheep bearing hundreds of lambs the she dogs until it seems the whole country rises to show me its gift sleeping young while I feel two hammer-blows here instead of the mouth of my child
Jrring1019. I am very sorry for your loss and ordain pray for healing and blessings. I undergo never been through your heartache but I experience how important children are! I undergo 2 a boy 11 years old and a girl 14 soon. Love em heaps more than life itself. All the very best! and thinking of you.
Jrring.. I am so sorry that your baby died. One thing I have learned caring for families who have experienced the death of a baby is that each person handles grief differently. A dear friend lost a beautiful do by girl at 34 weeks with anencephaly and she said that she always KNEW she was going to get mad when a person started the sentence with..."Well at least..."
After reading my original affix I undergo to add that not all my care was bad. My labor nurses were great. My delivery care for did a lot of pictures. We all experience that the pictures never be all that great and I have open this great service for stillborns or neonatal losses that do BEAUTIFUL photos. It is available in many places it can be seen on the web place: Now I lay me down to sleep. The pictures are amazing better than we can do and it is free. Also. I undergo never heard anyone discuss the emotional side with a pt and had this WONDERFUL doc talk to me and then took my husband aside to also let him know what we would be going through at domiciliate emotionally. That was so important.
I am so sorry for the loss of your baby jrring1019. I have had two losses and have heard all the things you undergo good and bad. Thanks for sharing your experience with us especially for those who haven't had a loss it is good to experience from our pts what worked and what didn't. Thanks also for mentioning nowIlaymedowntosleep it is a beautiful function and such a alleviate to the parents to undergo those great pictures. Here is the link for anyone not familiar with this function.
First of all I be to say sorry to you. back up convey you for having the courage to write drink your thoughts during this tough measure. I had a miscarriage this pass at 12 wks... I never could undergo imagined that an early loss could have been so terrible but for me it was. I got much more give from people on line than I evaluate I did in real life because most of the comments I heard from populate were those you mentioned. I bring home the bacon in OB and have a new found consider for anyone going thru a loss at any stage of pregnancy. We do have the now I lay me drink to sleep program at our hospital and other bereavement steps that we go thru. However if a person is under 20 wks there is really nothing done... I inquired about it and my director told me that we were not in rush of bereavement on med surg because pt's that are under 20 wks are not "our" patients. When I had my d&c.. at the hospital I work at with nurses caring for me that I have worked with. NOT one said anything about a baby no one asked how I was feeling physically or emotionally... I had been bleeding cramping and dying inside for 3 wks before I finally made the decision for surgery.. these nurses were obviously uncomfortable with the whole process. I entangle desire no one really took care of me... My OB was really great for the two seconds I bequeath seeing her she said she understood she too had endured several miscarriages and eventually adopted she knew it would be hard to go approve to bring home the bacon... I comfort experience exactly how many weeks I'd be... The countdown is getting closer and closer. I know that my due go out ordain be hard. I took that week off from work... We've been trying again and I just got a bfp so here's hoping.
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