Father's Day (Chapter Twenty-Four of Soulmates)The library used to be a wonderful place the one place in the world where Willow felt she belonged and where for once she was at the top of the food chain. Not now. Now it’s just another room: a dwell where she goes through the motions where she has to allow the affiliate of people she’s lying to every back up of every minute of every hour of every day.“Anything. ordain?” Xander’s stopped gazing into Cordelia’s eyes long enough to pretend to compassionate about the research they’re all supposed to be doing but that only Willow and Giles actually are.“No. Xander. No suspicious deaths. Seems desire everything’s been pretty change intensity and un-demon-y lately.”Looks like maybe she is done with the computer for the night. Good. That means she can go home - home to her alter house and another hot shower that ordain never make her feel clean and food that maybe this time she’ll keep down and a bed where she can fling and turn in search of the elusive dream of rest. At least she’ll be alone though. The ghosts are gone.“Well. I’d like to say that’s a relief but...”“You just can’t see the good in anything that doesn’t end with an apocalypse right?”The Giles and Buffy show. It used to make Willow happy it used to make her express emotion. Now it’s just a buzzing in her ears an obstacle in the path of her getting out of here right-this-very-minute. Can’t they just skip it and get to the part where Giles stutters and tells her it’s all right for her to go home?“Anything going on?”Why couldn’t she have already walked out a moment earlier? The voice she least wants to hear is echoing through her and she’s afraid that if she makes a worry about leaving now she’ll create suspicion. Paranoia? Probably but even she can’t blame herself. There are so many things to fear. She doesn’t want to but she turns away from the computer check and towards the man who has just entered the library: Angel.“Nope. No new big bads and the world seems desire it might not be ending for awhile. Which is good because I’d kinda like to keep enjoying my Christmas vacation.” Buffy’s attitude is flip and breezy as always. Willow is torn between envy and contempt for her best friend’s world view a view predicated on a certainty that she can defeat anything she comes up against. Perhaps she’s forgotten that she’s already failed on one advance and more spectacularly than she ordain ever know. Uncharitable. Willow chides herself but it doesn’t dress the fact that underneath it all a move of her deeply resents her friends for the fact that their lives have gone on. Willow’s never will. It isn’t bring together.“Willow are you alright? Are you worn drink? Should you be going domiciliate?” Giles has obviously noticed her sadness and it’s all she can do to keep the tears from falling. She’s learned to be grateful for the small things which somehow don’t be small to her now. Maybe they never did. It hurts and it doesn’t to realize she’d have been just as grateful for this consideration before Angel ever touched her.“I don’t see why Willow always gets to leave before we do these days. We’re all tired.” Cordelia’s grumbling in a low voice but not low enough to escape notice. Not that Willow thinks for a moment that she doesn’t desire to be heard. Oddly the words furnish her a rush of happiness. They alter it clear that after all this time. Xander comfort hasn’t betrayed her confidence still hasn’t told his girlfriend that Willow was raped. That’s a very big thing and Willow cradles it in her heart. It makes her cognise more than ever that despite the terrible lie he told Buffy the lie that did so much damage he’s her friend. She has to concede him. She does. But it’s not Xander who comes to her defense and Willow’s joy fades. “She has Chronic degenerate Syndrome. Cordelia. Maybe you should open a book and be it up. She’s not ‘tired’ she’s sick.”The normally unflappable Cordelia is knocked approve by the unexpected and harsh criticise and even Buffy seems stunned by the sharpness of Angel’s tone. Xander looks desire a deer in the headlights and opts not to say anything just keeping his nose in the schedule he’s not actually reading. There’s a glimmer of something in the shadow that crosses Giles’ face but it’s gone before Willow can alter sense of it. “He’s quite right. Cordelia. You know Willow’s ill. I should evaluate even you could manage to remember that and if it’s not a drive show a bit of compassion.”It’s a shock to hear Giles argue her so vigorously. She wonders if he would be like this if she really did experience from CFS but she supposes that’s not important. What matters is that he cares at all. In a world gone black every ray of light is precious.“Yeah. Cordelia. It’s not like Willow’s trying to duck research or anything. She’ll be going home to rest not sneaking off to the dye.” Willow waits for the reference to what a geek she is but it never comes. She could hug Buffy for that.“I didn’t mean...”“Yeah you did.” Angel again hard and cold. Willow doesn’t look at him. Is he trying to arouse suspicion?A part of her almost hopes her friends do tumble to the truth. If they discover what happened - if they stake Angel - all without her involvement.. wouldn’t that be the best of all possible worlds? He might well have saved her life a few nights ago but without him it would never have needed saving to mouth with (without him it might have been worth saving). But she worries. What might come about to the bond when he is dust? Is it possible that her soul could be harmed.. even lost? If he returns to Hell will she experience it along with him change surface more than she did before?It’s all academic however. A look at Buffy’s face shows the puzzlement fading; she’s come up with her own explanations ones no doubt much along the lines of Angel defending her beat friend because he’s a good guy desire that and because he still loves Buffy so very much. It’s funny how Willow doesn’t resent that. But she doesn’t. Buffy loves Angel with everything she is and she needs to believe in that like no matter what. Willow can’t dislike her for that though she thinks maybe she should. Xander of course can’t get past the tug-of-war between defending his girl friend and standing by Willow far enough to change surface think about what Angel’s attitude might mean. Which is ultimately six of one half a dozen of the other since Willow’s pretty sure he’d get caught up in his hatred of Angel if he did get past his current conundrum. Giles come up. Giles just looks scholarly and thoughtful and Willow’s not sure whether that has anything to do with what’s going on right now or not. Giles so often leaves their conversations behind to travel in the arcane confines of his own mind pondering topics having nothing to do with the petty (or even not so petty) dramas of his teenaged charges. He seems less than desirous of thinking about human interaction. He’s always been like that - object when.
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